A Rare Sighting

I had the rare opportunity to observe a remarkable event the other day. While some people get giddy over the sighting of an ivory-billed woodpecker, I people-watch. I’m obsessed with it.

Last week, I made the rarest of sightings. I saw a family of four dining in a restaurant, talking with each other. They were actually having a real conversation. Crazy, right? No cell phones in sight. And to top it off, they looked like they were enjoying the conversation. The kids were laughing, the adults were smiling, and they truly seemed to be enjoying themselves.

A rare sighting indeed.

In contrast, the evening before, I spoke at a trade association dinner. I witnessed a table of eight businesspeople, each engrossed in their own little world that only existed on their personal communication device. All eight were heads down, focused on email, texts, TikTok videos of squirrels on skateboards, a game, or maybe a movie. It struck me that a huge opportunity to meet new people, learn new things, and network had totally been lost.

The art of conversation is quickly becoming a lost art. Just like taxis and video rentals, the world has changed. But the loss of real, face-to-face conversation is troublesome. In my Business Coaching practice, business owners, managers, entrepreneurs, and executives bemoan that they cannot get their teams to communicate. I listen to stories of managers and employees calling, texting, and emailing a colleague in the next cubicle over. Are we really that lazy? Sometimes my best coaching advice on improving communication is to stand up, take three steps to the right, and talk to your co-worker or teammate.

Texts, emails, and voice messages give some people a gangster bravado that creates more issues. They use mean words and brazen texts to hide behind their fear of having a meaningful conversation where something might actually get solved. The results of leaning on this technology too much show up today in some crazy ways. One that I see is the effect the “addiction” has on job seekers. If most of your daily conversation is in text or email, how will anyone communicate well during a job interview? If you’re in charge of hiring for your firm, a great technique is to ask questions where your interviewee must look you in the eye and answer them. Their response will tell you a lot about whether you want this person to represent your company.

So, here’s the opportunity. For all phases of our lives today, we must learn again to communicate. To move those facial muscles that allow us to speak, to use our eyes and observe, and to use our ears to listen. We must learn to ask questions and listen. Learn to smile, ask more questions, listen more, and be curious about whoever you’re with. Learn this skill and you will be perceived as a rarity that is becoming increasingly valuable in today’s workplace.

It may be the easiest way possible to set yourself apart. Our single most valuable success strategy might be learning to listen and carry on a conversation again. Let everyone else challenge that goldfish for attention span. In the meantime, have a nice conversation with someone. You’ll be amazed at how fascinating the world is.